Does this conversation sound familiar?
PARENT: How was your day?
CHILD: Fine.
PARENT: What did you do?
CHILD: Nothing.
Here are the top five ways to improve conversations with your child:
1. The High and Low
I start many of my therapy sessions asking my clients about their "high and low" moments of the weekend or the day. Asking someone about their "high and low" allows you to learn about detailed events or occurrences that might never have been discussed.
Ask the "high and low" at the same time everyday to make it a more permanent routine:
Here’s what you ask:
Hint: Encourage your child to say “How about you?” so you get to share your highs and lows too!
2. Comment on the Cool Topics
Do a little research on your child’s favorite interest. For example, you might say: “I saw that a new Star Wars trailer came out today.” or “Five nights at Freddy's fan videos are hilarious.” If your child is a Pokemon fan you might say: “I saw on Bulbapedia that a new Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire gift pack will be available in Japan.”
Not only will your child gasp in astonishment that you know something so COOL, but he or she will gladly and eagerly converse with you.
Hint: Sitting down with your child and having them direct the conversation by teaching you or showing you something they are very interested in for a few minutes everyday can enhance language skills, strengthen your relationship and even increase fluent speech.
3. Question in the Morning, Answer in the Afternoon
When your child says "goodbye" before going to school, tell them you are going to ask them a specific question when you see them later that day. For example, you might say: “Today I’m going to ask you what made you laugh the hardest." Here are some other examples of topics to ask your child:
Hint: Set a reminder on your phone to prompt you to ask the questions in the morning or afternoon.
4. Conversation Cards
Enhance meal time conversations or car rides with one or two rounds of conversation cards. These cards can strike up some hilarious conversation. I use these often in therapy to break the ice and practice conversation. Encouraging your family members to ask, “How about you?” after someone answers is a good way to practice reciprocal conversation.
Here are some card packs I like to use:
Hint: If someone doesn't like their first question card, I suggest everyone can choose up to 3 cards on their turn. This avoids kids going through 10-15 cards before they choose a question.
5. Listen with Empathy
Kids (and all humans) are much more likely to share information if they feel you will listen without judgment or critical words. Conversational partners who practice empathetic listening tend to have more in depth and frequent conversations.
For example, if your child says: “My low was getting 50% on my spelling test.” Instead of answering with this critical response: “Maybe you should have studied longer.” Try this more empathic response: “It sounds like that spelling test was hard for you today. That would be a low for me too.” Empathetic responses often involve restating what you just heard or asking clarifying questions.
Hint: Empathetic listening is strongest when the listener gives their undivided attention and resists the urge to interrupt.
PARENT: How was your day?
CHILD: Fine.
PARENT: What did you do?
CHILD: Nothing.
Here are the top five ways to improve conversations with your child:
1. The High and Low
I start many of my therapy sessions asking my clients about their "high and low" moments of the weekend or the day. Asking someone about their "high and low" allows you to learn about detailed events or occurrences that might never have been discussed.
Ask the "high and low" at the same time everyday to make it a more permanent routine:
Here’s what you ask:
- What was the high of your day? The absolute best moment of your day when you felt really happy or content.
- What was the low of your day? The moment when you felt sad, nervous or upset.
Hint: Encourage your child to say “How about you?” so you get to share your highs and lows too!
2. Comment on the Cool Topics
Do a little research on your child’s favorite interest. For example, you might say: “I saw that a new Star Wars trailer came out today.” or “Five nights at Freddy's fan videos are hilarious.” If your child is a Pokemon fan you might say: “I saw on Bulbapedia that a new Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire gift pack will be available in Japan.”
Not only will your child gasp in astonishment that you know something so COOL, but he or she will gladly and eagerly converse with you.
Hint: Sitting down with your child and having them direct the conversation by teaching you or showing you something they are very interested in for a few minutes everyday can enhance language skills, strengthen your relationship and even increase fluent speech.
3. Question in the Morning, Answer in the Afternoon
When your child says "goodbye" before going to school, tell them you are going to ask them a specific question when you see them later that day. For example, you might say: “Today I’m going to ask you what made you laugh the hardest." Here are some other examples of topics to ask your child:
- The oddest thing you heard.
- One new thing you learned about _______. (insert relevant subject matter)
- The most boring moment where you caught yourself daydreaming.
- A compliment you gave someone.
Hint: Set a reminder on your phone to prompt you to ask the questions in the morning or afternoon.
4. Conversation Cards
Enhance meal time conversations or car rides with one or two rounds of conversation cards. These cards can strike up some hilarious conversation. I use these often in therapy to break the ice and practice conversation. Encouraging your family members to ask, “How about you?” after someone answers is a good way to practice reciprocal conversation.
Here are some card packs I like to use:
- Melissa & Doug Family Dinner Box Of Questions
- Chat Pack For Kids: Fun Questions
- TABLETOPICS Teen: Questions to Start Great Conversations
Hint: If someone doesn't like their first question card, I suggest everyone can choose up to 3 cards on their turn. This avoids kids going through 10-15 cards before they choose a question.
5. Listen with Empathy
Kids (and all humans) are much more likely to share information if they feel you will listen without judgment or critical words. Conversational partners who practice empathetic listening tend to have more in depth and frequent conversations.
For example, if your child says: “My low was getting 50% on my spelling test.” Instead of answering with this critical response: “Maybe you should have studied longer.” Try this more empathic response: “It sounds like that spelling test was hard for you today. That would be a low for me too.” Empathetic responses often involve restating what you just heard or asking clarifying questions.
Hint: Empathetic listening is strongest when the listener gives their undivided attention and resists the urge to interrupt.
